"I'm Ready...Willing...and Able!!"

As I was lugging my belongings into my new summer apartment, this tiny, gray-haired pip-squeak of a lady was trailing me closer than my shadow. The continuous questions reminded me of the "Energizer Bunny": "What's your name? Where are you from? Do you like boys? Do you have a car? Are you a clean person? How old are you? ... Oh...my name is Janet, and I'm the boss here!" I would never have guessed that in a million years.

Moving from the "questioning phase" into the "order" mode, Janet wanted to inform me of the house rules as I nonchalantly began unpacking. "There will be no loud music or partying. Don't forget to empty your trash. NO BOYS ALLOWED because I'll beat them with my baseball bat. Don't leave your clothes in the washer and dryer. No screaming or yelling. Feed my cat if he's hungry. Did I tell you that no boys are allowed? I think I'm wrong. Boys are only allowed from noon until midnight. No boys after midnight! Make your bed and clean your room every day." Even my mother didn't tell me to make my bed every day, but somehow I felt Janet was quite serious about her "rules."

By the end of the first day, I knew her life story. She had never been married but had one daughter, whom she referred to as the "BRAT," and lived with her daughter and son-in-law in California. (Had I just met the "Little Old Lady from Pasadena"?) According to Janet, she was leading a lonely, unhappy existence until the summer she toured Yellowstone National Park by stagecoach. While she jounced through mountain canyons, lodge pole pine forests, sprawling grasslands, and gagged from the sulphur smell of the geyser basins between Mammoth Hot Springs and Old Faithful, she fell in love with the awe-inspiring wonders of nature and knew unquestionably that she would someday return.

When I met Janet, she had been working in Yellowstone every year from April through October for the past 42 years. She never revealed her age to anyone, but it was meaningless--her actions and comments made her as young as the rest of us. However, we ascertained that she was in her mid-seventies.

Janet loved her beer! She had a 6-oz. Olympia beer every night before bedtime, reminding us always that it made her sleep better. "Oh, of course, Janet." When any of us went to Livingston, it became our duty to stop at Safeway's and get her beer, which she stockpiled under her bed. She would place one beer in her fridge an hour before bedtime to "chill" it. I found that to be somewhat quirky--why not put in the entire six-pack? It's not like there wasn't room. But that was Janet!

Every evening following dinner, Janet wanted us to gather together in her room so she could reveal the "gossip of the day," (and she truly knew everything that happened) and tell stories of past years. After being with her for seven summers, we knew the stories by heart but always listened attentively. As we left her room, I would always check to see if she wanted me to lock the door behind me though I knew what her reply would be: "No! No! No! If a handsome young boy wants to come in, I'm ready, willing, and able!" I had no doubt that was true, even if the baseball bat was within reach at all times.

She actually used that bat upon discovering several young gentlemen, which we learned later were lost tourists, roaming the hallway. When she saw them, she asked no questions but darted into her room for a split second and returned "swinging" and screeching at them in her high-pitched wail. She nailed one of them in the arm, and they vanished within seconds. They knew they had truly met their match!


There were occasions when employees or tourists were wed in the Chapel at Mammoth. Janet loved weddings, but loved the receptions even more; or should I say she loved the champagne (pronounced cham pag' ne by Janet) even more. The photo depicts her being carried home by Nick following one of these special galas. We made her put down the magnum of champagne before shooting the picture. We naturally didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression. She truly knew how to have a great time!

I was forever intrigued by her mind--how she could remember the most minute detail about a particular event and yet forget where she placed her roomkeys. Once I took her to Livingston for an eye appointment and never laughed so hard in my life. After she paid her bill, she barked at the receptionist in her gruffiest voice, "Well!! Where are my glasses, you idiot! Give them to me!" Baffled beyond belief, the woman timidly replied, "Ummm...they are on your face. You are wearing them." Janet grumped, "Yah, yah, yah" as she stomped out the door. The receptionist and I exchanged glances and roared as I explained, "It's just Janet. No harm intended."

One afternoon as I walked into the laundry room hoping to find an empty washer and dryer, I saw Janet busily at work. She hadn't heard me because the room was echoing a THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! "Janet, are you drying your tennis shoes or what?" After I frightened the "jaheebies" (her favorite expression) out of her, she glanced down at her feet. "No! I'm wearing them!" She approached the dryer, carefully placed a hand on top as though she could tell what was inside, and mumbled to herself, "What's that?" She quickly opened the dryer door and out sprang her CAT! That cat disappeared for days and I didn't blame him.

The apartments were located above the kitchen and restaurant area. I loved the aroma of food drifting through my window but late one night I met an unexpected surprise. Around 3 a.m. I was awakened by a fierce pounding on my door. It was Nick, my neighbor. He was hysterically yelling, "The building is on fire! GET UP!!" Forget the aroma of food. As I opened my eyes, all I remember seeing were billows of smoke rolling in through the open window and the reflection of red lights flashing across the walls. Panic didn't come close to describing what I felt at that moment. As I searched for my slippers, I kept telling myself, "I do NOT want to die! I do NOT want to die!" I grabbed my afghan and hustled outside...

...only to find firetrucks, Park Ranger vehicles, and what appeared to be hundreds of onlookers. I needed to find Janet to assure myself that she was safe. Minutes later as I approached her, the anxiety I had felt shifted to disbelief. Not only was she safe, but she was fully clothed and guarding a suitcase filled with her belongings. It appeared that she even took time to comb her hair. Not awakening the residents was a minor oversight I'm quite sure. She had other business at hand. (What a woman!)

Janet was undoubtedly the most extraordinary, memorable lady I had ever known. Several years after leaving the park, I received news that she had passed away in her sleep at her "home away from home." Her funeral was held at the Chapel in Mammoth Hot Springs; and her lifelong wish was granted as her ashes were scattered over Yellowstone National Park.