Seriously? You Have a Driver's License? (Part 3 of 3--The Woman and the Guardrail)

I am truly not a person who finds automobile accidents humorous, but this blog reveals the most hilarious incident I have ever seen. I just shook my head and thought, "She is one in a million!"

After moving to Northern Virginia, I learned quickly that there are more than a few individuals who have NO clue how to drive safely in snow. That was obvious when half an inch of snow resulted in a 115-car pileup our first winter there. From that moment on, I knew I could always expect the unexpected.

The highway department was usually very efficient in snow preparation; however, after a late-night, early-morning snowfall of 7-9 inches, the snowplows had been out, but the sanding trucks had not. The roads were snow packed yet very icy in spots. As I was slowly making the nine-mile journey to work, I creeped up to a stoplight, only to see what I thought was the funniest sight ever!

Picture This!!

Heavy snow pushed up so high against a guardrail that it was almost entirely covered.

A car balancing carefully atop the guardrail...all four tires hanging in limbo.

A woman rolling down her car window and ever so slightly leaning toward the window...obviously trying not to force the car to topple over the edge.

A policeman staring upward at her probably thinking to himself: "How the hell did you get up THERE?"

I giggled all the way to work wondering: "How did she ever unintentionally, of course, get her car on the guardrail perfectly balanced? She was very lucky in that respect, but how would she manage to get out of the car without it tumbling in either direction? Would she jump? Oh...perhaps the officer would offer to catch her. :) I can imagine the stories they both had to tell that day!

Where was my camera when I needed it?

Seriously? You Have a Driver's License? (Part 2 of 3--The NJT "Revver")

Having lived in a small town for years, I saw teenagers, both boys and girls, spinning "cookies," jumping snowdrifts, and "revving" their engines to let bystanders know just how "hot" their vehicle was! But the driver described in my next encounter, has them all beat. Please, do NOT try this while driving!

The first time I drove on the NJT (New Jersey Turnpike), I was venturing to a conference in Atlantic City. Early on in my journey, it became apparent that drivers on both the NJT and the Atlantic City Expressway were FAST (driving at least 20 miles over the limit) and FEARLESS (of being ticketed for speeding.) When I spotted red and blue flashing lights in the far distance, I thought that the driver who had just passed me had been "nabbed." I couldn't have been more wrong. Those flashing lights were from a patrolman who was not capturing a speeder, but was parked in the barrow pit watching cars whiz by. I was baffled but wasn't going to second-guess a highway patrolman. Perhaps he felt safer alongside the highway rather than ON the highway.

One Sunday afternoon, TC and I were headed home, having spent the day riding the roller coasters at Six Flags in Jackson, NJ. Traffic was moving right along at perhaps an 85 m.p.h. clip when vehicles came to a screeching halt...stopped dead in their tracks! Because merging traffic was not usually a problem on the NJT, this meant either there was an accident ahead or the toll booths were backed up due to heavy traffic.

I'm not sure why it is that when no cars are moving, some drivers have a tendency to either honk the horn or "rev" their motors. Do they think that this will make fellow drivers move any faster? Or is it perhaps their way of entertaining everyone?

This particular day we had a "revver" beside us who immediately got my attention. Varoom! Varoom! ... louder and louder...yet not moving! Hmmm... young--perhaps late 20's; a fairly new car though I didn't notice the make and model; impatient?--didn't appear to be as he looked in my direction and grinned broadly. Oh, sorry to burst your bubble, Kiddo, but I'm not the least impressed.

By now, we were idling forward inch by inch at about 5-10 m.p.h. Every so often, traffic would surge ahead two or three feet--that was progress! The "revver" occasionally fell behind, but always seemed to end up next to us. Varoom! Varoom! I just shook my head and laughed, thinking that he surely must be bored as he continued to try to get my attention.

Eventually, he did!!! He was approximate four or five car lengths ahead of us when suddenly our lane of traffic began moving, rather quickly I might add. As TC accelerated, I had my eye on the "revver," who had obviously seen our lane open up. As he looked to the right, he, too, accelerated. "VAROOM! VAROOM! CRUNCH!! BANG!! SCREECH!!" and ran right SMACK into the back end of the car in front of him! Whoopsie!! It seems that his lane was not moving as fast as ours!

What a total idiot!! Of course, we became the "rubber-neckers" as TC slowed down to assess the damage of the vehicles. Oh, he thought that there was only several thousand dollars in damage...but still quite an expensive price to pay for a little entertainment from the "Revver." So much for traffic moving in both lanes for the time being as the drivers would attempt to move their cars and "fallen bumpers" to the shoulder of the highway.

A reminder to my readers: Always drive beside a "revver" and never in front of them!

Seriously? You Have a Driver's License? (Part 1 of 3--"Meet Suzanne")

Throughout our decades spent behind the "wheel," we have more than likely encountered instances of disbelief by what a driver said or did. It wasn't until we moved to the east coast that I discovered just how many people didn't know how to maneuver their automobile in traffic (or out of traffic for that matter). Of course, with more than a million cars a day traveling the "Beltway," (Interstate) surrounding Washington, D.C., it amazed me how anyone was able to find his or her way home safely.

Meet Suzanne

Suzanne was a co-worker of mine, whom I didn't particularly like. In my mind, she was a "Yuppie!" In her mid-thirties, she displayed an arrogance, prancing through the office in her newly purchased, expensive, brand-name clothing, her nose rising above her eyebrows if that is at all possible, and snubbing anyone and everyone who might have an idea better than her own.

However, in one respect, she was NOT a "Yuppie." She didn't drive a Lexus, a Mercedes Benz, a BMW, or a Porsche, but drove what eastern Montanans would refer to as a "beater" car. Her faded red Subaru station wagon had definitely seen better days--small crinkles, dents, and bumps gave it quite a unique personality. But, Hey!...who am I to question what she drives?

Oh! but the truth would soon be revealed! Every Christmas season, Jan, my boss, would treat the staff (all five of us) to a nice luncheon, followed by an afternoon of late-minute holiday shopping. On this particular day, we were to meet at the Ritz Carlton in Tyson's Corner, Falls Church, VA (the shopping mecca of the entire east coast, no doubt!)

I was contemplating my driving route when Suzanne appeared in my office doorway and casually inquired, "Would you like to ride with me to lunch?" Wow! This was so out-of-character for her so without any hesitation, I replied, "Sure...would love to!" After she left, I thought, "Oh, that means I'm going to have to ride in that station wagon. Yuck! Oh, well! It's a free ride and can't be all THAT bad."

As I slid into the passenger seat and searched for the seat belt, I was thinking: "This woman leads a double life...she's a total slob in the worst way. Look at the papers on the floor, the candy wrappers on the dashboard, and the empty water bottles layered on the floor in the back. Did she not know these were here when she invited me to ride along?"

But my thoughts were interrupted by her commenting, "I should tell you something before we leave." (What? Does she think I don't see the mess?) She continued as she started the car and buckled her seat belt, "I've had seven accidents, all of which were my fault. BUT...the good news is that six of them were in parking lots." (Holy crap! She has to be joking! And why did she wait until now to tell me? AND...why would she ever TELL anyone that? To make me feel better? What an idiot!! But it definitely explained the crinkles, dents and bumps! and undoubtedly why her husband hadn't bought her a new car!)

At this point I was hoping for three wishes to come true:

1.) That the restaurant has Valet Parking.

2.) That she NEVER decides to park near MY car.

3.) That she will NOT have the urge to invite me to ride anywhere with her again.

Fortunately for all of us, she quit her job shortly thereafter; and our vehicles were left unscathed!