Meet Suzie, My GPS

Being the technology expert that I thought I was, I now find that the older I get, the more frustrated I become with all the latest electronic gadgets. Bluetooth, the iPod, iPad, Blackberry, iPhone or any of the other wonders of the world cannot be found anywhere in my home. Enough is enough! I'm still learning to use my TVO remote, which I have had for more than three years now.

I do have a cell phone but have never taken a picture with it, and I tried to text once, which was, without a doubt, a major catastrophe. I tried to respond to a message by texting the word YES; but instead I sent WDP. I looked at my cohort Shelly Sanders as she laughed and blurted out, "WELL DONE PARTNER!" "Gee, thanks, Shelly." That was my first and only attempt to text.

I also have a Wii for my grandsons, ages 4, 5, and 7, but Jackson, the 5-year-old, is the one who sets everything up, not me! [In fact, I'm still trying to score a point playing Super Mario Kart. I should be practicing now instead of writing this blog because the boys (and Norah, almost a year old) will be here for at least 12 days beginning this Friday.]

When TC suggested that we purchase a GPS, I was somewhat hesitant. We had just moved back to Montana--it's not like I was going to get lost! After all, I had just survived years of driving alone up and down the east coast and never found the need for one. I had driven from Virginia to Montana alone at least three times while building our new home and did just fine without getting lost. Taking a different route by accident through Chicago each trip didn't count. I blamed that on road construction. MapQuest always seemed to work for me!

But along came Suzie! I installed the software, fully charged her, updated the maps, and programmed our next destination, Branson, MO. I had to admit that she did a great job during that excursion (though I could have done the same thing with my Atlas). She found the resort and all the necessary attractions and got us home without any major detours.

However, it didn't take me long to realize that she put on her best behavior because TC was in the car. When I was alone with her, she definitely showed her true personality. Several years ago, my kids and grand kids and I spent a few days in the Twin Cities traipsing through the Mall of America. Afterward, they headed home while I headed for Christmas Mountain Village in the Wisconsin Dells. TC and I had been going there for a few years, but he wasn't able to make this trip. No problem--I had Suzie!

I need to interrupt this blog for an important announcement: TC decided that we should hook up the Wii in the family room to Netflix to get movies for the grand kids while they are here. He spent two hours yesterday traveling from store to store looking for a cable that he thought he needed to connect the wii to a computer. At his last stop, the clerk told him that she just uses her "wireless." TC looked at her..."Hmmm...We have wireless." OH DUH!!! I chuckled when he told me what happened; and I believe that he and I could be classified as "the blind leading the blind." He eventually completed the programming stage, but we have yet to watch a movie. That will be our adventure for tonight!

Back to the Dells... After spending several days relaxing poolside, I decided it was time to find Wal-Mart to have a prescription refilled. I knew there was one nearby, but couldn't remember the exact location. Suzie to the rescue! After doing a search, Suzie told me that Wal-Mart was 22 miles away in Baraboo, Wisconsin. "Suzie, that can't be right. We are in the midst of a huge tourist trap--there has to be one closer." I searched again...and again...same answer. Off to Baraboo I went and she thankfully led me directly to Wal-Mart. However, the following day I decided to do a little shopping. As I was leaving the resort, I knew that if I turned left, the road would take me directly to Kohl's about a mile down the road. Reaching the first major intersection, I eyed Kohl's directly ahead--and Wal-Mart to my left. "Suzie!! You lied! I'd wring your neck if you had one!"

From the Dells, I ventured to South Dakota to attend my niece's wedding. Suzie was actually very pleasant and did her job exceptionally well until it was time to head to Montana. When I reached Broadus, MT, she told me to "Turn Right in 500 Feet." I gazed right and saw nothing but a field of sagebrush and kept driving. "Turn Around Whenever Possible," she chanted over and over. I turned her off and quickly reverted to reading highway signs, telling Suzie that she had totally lost her way. When reaching home, I reprogrammed her. But during three subsequent trips from South Dakota to home, she was still telling me, right on cue, to turn into that damn field.

It amazes me how what we say and do can influence children's thinking patterns. All of my grand kids have been in the car with Suzie at one time or another and know that I treat her as a real person. One day I was taking Jackson to preschool for the first time and casually said, "I hope I can find your preschool." He said in the most serious voice, "Suzie knows how to get there." I roared! He was more of a believer than I was at that point. Believe! Believe! Maybe that's my problem with Suzie.

My friend Shelly knows Suzie quite well and has witnessed "Attitude" in her; for example, we were driving down King Avenue West in Billings, 6 lanes of bumper-to-bumper traffic, and Suzie blurts out, "Make a U-turn NOW!" We both gave her the "look," laughed uncontrollably, and immediately reached to turn her OFF! I was born and raised in Billings; no piece of electronic wizardry was going to tell me I was going in the wrong direction!

In May Shelly and I were headed to Las Vegas to the Miss USA Pageant. Of course, Suzie came along, and I have to admit that she totally outdid herself this trip time and time again. We left home earlier than we had initially intended and found we had some spare time before reaching Vegas. I suggested that we sidetrack to Jackpot, Nevada, 45 miles south of Twin Falls, ID. I had been through Twin Falls numerous times and wanted to show her the beautiful waterfalls, even though the sun had set and the skies had begun to darken.

What was I thinking when I trusted Suzie to lead us in the right direction? As we reached the outskirts of the city, I followed Suzie's directions to the letter. At one particular intersection, I mentioned to Shelly that I didn't recognize the area, that it looked like an industrial park. But I kept driving--and driving--and driving, what seemed like forever. The industrial area had turned into farmland and the city lights were vanishing into the distance as I peered into the rear view mirror.

The farmhouses and yard lights were now few and far between; the road had become very narrow, though it was at least still paved. If it turned into gravel, I knew we were in deep trouble. The weeds alongside the road were at least 2 or 3 feet high, and we kept spotting moving objects. Was that a cat? Wait, it was a coon or a dog or a coyote! Perhaps it's a lion or tiger! OH ME! OH MY!!

After what seemed like hours, we came to an intersection in the road. "Yeah! I know this road...it's the right one!" and off we were to Jackpot and eventually Las Vegas. We never questioned each other about not having seen the waterfalls but will save that for our next adventure.

While in Las Vegas, I chose to use the concierge services for maps to the various attractions we planned to visit. I felt that Suzie needed a very, very long rest, and for the most part, I thought I knew my way around Vegas.

However, after dinner one night we decided to venture to the outlet mall near Fremont Street. Once exiting on Charleston Blvd., I knew I was close to the mall but obviously missed a turn. There we were...sitting in the parking lot of Home Depot programming Suzie to get us to the mall. It suddenly became apparent that Suzie was going to send us on a scenic route through North Las Vegas as we weaved in and around dark side streets. We were not appreciating her endeavor to show us the sites, especially when we would come upon groups of young gentlemen standing on the corners.

Finally reaching South Las Vegas Blvd., I knew that Suzie was back on track. Then came the highlight of our journey!! Elvis had left the building! as we watched him run across the street, guitar strung over his shoulder bouncing with his every step. WOO HOO!! We laughed hysterically, wondering if he was the same Elvis we had seen at the Legends show. As for the mall, it was closed by the time Suzie got us there. So much for shopping that night as I tucked Suzie into her case where she comfortably rested for the remainder of our journey.

Suzie is now three years old, and I'm wondering if the time has come to recycle her. She has been at times a royal pain in the neck; and yet, she has brought so much laughter to my friends and family. How would her sister Samantha (TC's GPS) survive without her? Perhaps I'll keep her for now and hope she gets better with age!