I never watch those infomercials that dominate the late night or early morning hours of television, but I must admit that I love thumbing through those quirky catalogs I receive in the mail which try to persuade me to purchase a product that I have never even seen, let alone desire to own. Many of the items described in the magazines are well known because of their "As Seen on TV" status.
I remember walking through the door of one of those "As Seen on TV" stores while living in Virginia and convincing myself that I could find more bargains than would fit into the trunk of my vehicle. I can't recall whether or not I even made a purchase that day; but if I did, it's now in the trash or sitting at the local charity store. Several summers ago TC did manage to grow three tomatoes from that "hanging" plant I gave him, but the strawberry plant was a total failure having produced not even a small leaf.
Yesterday's mail brought me a "Harriet Carter" catalog which brings out both the curiosity and anger in me--curiosity because I wonder if these products actually do what the ad says and anger because I wasn't the FIRST to invent the "goodie" to make my million dollars.
THIS WEEK'S MOST UNUSUAL BARGAINS:
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| "Garden Torch" |
With winter on its way, this "Garden Torch" could be the ideal gift. It uses an "inexpensive" propane-filled cylinder to melt away ice on your sidewalk. My question is: "Where am I supposed to stand while melting that first patch of ice? On the ice? Doesn't that defeat the purpose, especially for a klutz like myself?" According to the picture, that flame doesn't appear to be very big...How long is this going to take me to do my sidewalk? I'm thinking I'd probably either run out of propane or freeze my fingers before I finished, especially if I planned to do the driveway as well.
Oh, yes, and it doubles as a weed burner--"gets down to the roots"--as long as you don't start your garden or grass on fire...or even worse--your house. All this for the low price of $39.98. Sounds like too much work for me. I'll save it for a shopper who has more ambition than I do!
This is a "Purse Caddy" which allows me to keep my handbag off the floor and in full view while I'm dining out or in a public place. To me, using this device would be equivalent of telling a thief, "Here it is....come and grab it as you run by!" If I placed my purse under the table or at my feet, at least it would take the crook a moment to crawl on his hands and knees to grab it. The caddy does swivel flat for easy storage, but I wouldn't want my friends sticking this device on MY dining room table. It's a real STEAL at $5.98.THIS ONE REALLY TAKES THE CAKE!!
This "Giant Cookie" cake pan set is supposed to create a 3D cake, which is no more that two cakes stacked atop each other with frosting or ice cream dividing the two halves. I love to decorate cakes, but when "I have my cake and eat it, too," I want frosting EVERYWHERE!! not just in the center! However, if I frost the entire cake, the design would be hidden...so why would I buy this cake pan? I can't see my grand kids wanting to dig right into this cake!
This "Neck Air Cushion" looks like an accident about to happen! Once you wrap it around your neck, just PUMP IT UP to stretch your tight muscles, relieving you of sore and stiff joints, pinched nerves, headaches, and MORE! I think I'll save my $19.98 for a trip to the chiropractor.
MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING LIST
TO JANELLE:
This weather-resistant and motion-activated "Digital Security Camera" is guaranteed to instantly snap color photographs when movement is detected. It holds 200 photos and has a range of 23 feet, and it can even capture license plates! I'm not exactly sure how that works unless they drive up to your front door, but you definitely could use one of these!!
TO JASON:
This "Duct Tape" mug is perfect for you while you head to work every morning. You can sip from it while you let the policeman talk to the fella who ran into you; or get out the duct tape to patch the fender (Does that sound familiar?). You may consider keeping a case of it in the car for such emergencies.
If you prefer not to drink and drive, we should re-gift this to Larry Miller. I hear he is quite fond of duct tape!!
TO MY BROTHER:
With no ladies in the house, he and the boys might have a good time with this "Toilet Clock" that flushes on the hour. It is guaranteed to turn their lavatory into a "laugh-a-tory."
TO MY SISTER:
This "Money Tree" is the perfect gift for her. It's 16" high with bendable branches and twist-tie ends to hold the money in place. Notice that it comes with a gift wrap bag and an attractive card. MONEY NOT INCLUDED! Oh! She will be so disappointed! For my readers who are not familiar with my sister, check out my blog: "The Most Wicked Award" ...and it's all true.
TO TERRY:
Because TC has hundreds and hundreds of caps, I thought this "Cap Washer" would be the ideal gift. When he launders his caps, he hangs them all over the laundry room to try to keep their shape. Doesn't he realize it would be easier just to wear the cap and it would conform to his head? At $4.98, this gift will obviously be the most expensive on my list, but he's definitely worth it.
Oh! and just in case he might forget where those dirty caps belong, I'm getting him this magnetic "Laundry Room Decal" with a colorful clothesline scene. This makes for a "Happy Place." :)
SAVING THE BEST FOR LAST
TO MYSELF:
Now that I'm retired and enjoying life more than ever, I hope never to become one of those grumpy older ladies who everyone dreads meeting on the street. I know they say that "You're as old as you feel," but what about "You're as old as you act"? That's who I want to be!!
Being the only left-hander in the family, I want some fun facts to give my grand kids when they notice that their "Grandma Babe" writes with the wrong hand. I know the time will come!
Wishing all my readers a safe, joyous holiday season!!
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